Truth: I Lie to Myself

This is our 2nd post from ThatLife contributor  Christine Clark.   Today she reflects on the topic of truth and how truth is applied to self.  

I ponder truth, and all that comes to mind is lies.

Lie to me. I do it all the time. I tell my lies when I’m future self. Future self lies every day. Future self will . . . write later, exercise tomorrow, eat healthier—next week.

Lie to me. I do it all the time. Nebulous future self is my biggest lie. Truth lies in my substance as a living being—a woman, mother, writer, gardener. My core truth resides in the now—with every breath, thought, movement, with very word, written or spoken.

The truth of my fleeting self is that I am here for a minute capsule of time—my present, so why would I ever lie to me?

The Great Until also puts powerful brakes on living my truth.

Lie to me. I do it all the time: “Until the dishes are done, floor mopped, mortgage paid (fill in the blank ____________). Until the Great Until, I continue to lie to me.

I lie to me. I do it all the time. It paralyzes me.

Will I lie to myself today? I must, we all must, find our truth in present self and banish The Great Until to the great beyond.

Christine Clark is a writer and speaker known for her work in grief, mourning, and healing. The loss of her seven-year-old daughter to cancer has fueled eighteen years of soul-searching, honest conversations about what it means to endure profound loss. Chris’s work enables others to lead a fulfilled, rich life that incorporates grief, mourning, and a return to love and life.  A skilled communicator, Christine uses disarming humor and transparency to relay a core message of heart wrenching sadness leading to transformative hope. Available for lectures, retreats and healing services Christine Clark adds impactful depth to any event where inspiration is the goal.  Chris has written guest blogs for ShareWIK.com and ThatLife.com.  For more information visit http://mysistersgarden.blogspot.com

The danger of dreaming

I am pleased to welcome a new contributor to ThatLife.com!  Today Brittni Bowering makes her debut here at ThatLife with a piece that she and I have partnered on.  We hope you enjoy The Danger of Dreaming!

Apparently, everyone dreams. Even if you don't remember it, you dreamt last night. The thing about dreaming when you're sleeping is, that when you wake up, it’s always, "just a dream”. Sometimes a relief, sometimes not…

So what about the dreams we have for ourselves in our conscious life? The ones regarding our careers, our relationships and our futures. The ones we are sure will eventually end up being our reality. Should we be prepared to “wake up” one day to realize that these too were just dreams?

Although this may sound a tad pessimistic, it might be worth asking: Should your happiness really ride on the realization of your wildest dreams?

You see, the danger with dreams is that they can often close your mind to other opportunities in life. You can be so focused on a dream, that you miss out on your reality. Quick note: This absolutely does not mean that dreaming stops you from achieving! On the contrary actually. But something to keep in mind while we go on living our lives, is that the feeling of a dream (as exciting and intoxicating as it might be) isn't as great as feeling the reality of something, well, real.

It’s important to remember that sometimes a dream is a dream, because it wasn't meant to be a reality. How can you know the difference? Start with these three questions.

1. What goals / deadlines will you attach to your dream to turn it into a reality? If you are unwilling to commit to meaningful action in service of your dream the dream may not be all its cracked up to be. Create an action plan and find someone to hold you accountable to your commitments.

1. How will pursuing your dream impact your current life and the lives of those in your care? Are people going to suffer needlessly in order for you to accomplish what you are setting out to do? What relational ducks do you need to get in a row before you begin?

1. How does this dream line up with your personal values? Is this a dream that makes the world a better place? What is your motivation and does it come from a healthy place?

For a free one on one, sample coaching session write to Jim Trick at thatlifenow@gmail.com or call 978.994.0431

Overcoming insecurity

What kind of crazy are you? I hope you don't mind me asking. I'm not using crazy as a technical term and I'm pretty sure people who are qualified to actually diagnose crazy, have more sophisticated jargon these days. I'm talking about those moments when something hits you with an irrational emotion that takes you by surprise and for you all your strength and self awareness you can't easily change it. If you own your crazy then you're probably not offended. If you are offended you might be in denial. Most of my own personal crazy is centered around insecurity. Insecurity is rampant in our culture, even though a great deal of it goes unseen. Some of us are better at hiding it than others. What does your insecurity look like? Jealous? Terrified of being left out? When criticized do you tend to run off and cry about it rather than consider it as a chance to grow and change? What have you always wanted to try but don't because you're concerned about what others will think of you? Have you created impressive security blankets to throw others off the trail of your insecurity? Do you look at others and make up stories in your head about how awesome there lives are compared to yours? Insecurity manifests itself in countless ways, and yet I am convinced that it all stems from the same source. A perceived lack of love. They key word here is perceived… stay with me. We live for love. To give it and to receive it. There is nothing in the world that provides the kind of security that comes from feeling loved. It's why throughout the ages people who love each other are able to make it through the darkest seasons . Its also why many who are abundant materially are the most insecure. It in this sphere that I offer the following observation and potential solution. Our ability to feel secure exists in direct proportion to how loved we believe ourselves to be. We feel unloved largely because we often don't know where to go for it. Love is literally everywhere so why does it often seem to be in such short supply? Because most of us are only pursuing one kind. Most of us are primarily interested in the kind of love that comes from others. Thinking that the kind of love that comes from other people will satisfy our deepest longings is like thinking that a person can live a happy, healthy life eating nothing but cake. It doesn't work (trust me… I've tried) Want to give your ol insecurity a solid kick in the head? Learn about love! Learn how to give it. Know all the places you can get it. Sure love comes from friends, family and romantic relationships, but that's only part of supply chain. Insecurity arises when we try to put the wrong kind of love in the wrong part of our heart. God's love needs a ton of room. Know what else does? The love your supposed to have for yourself. Seriously. Now, I get that you are everything from atheists to right leaning evangelicals and everything in between. I personally write from a post evangelical, Christ-centric world view and therefore the best I have to offer without sounding preachy to is that most of our struggle comes from trying to put human love where God's love is supposed to go. Right behind God's love is the love we are meant to have for ourselves. Perhaps that seems so foreign to you, but truly some of the most important work you can do is about learning how to love yourself. There is a pity party and a long sad story that some have written. It stands like the great wall of China keeping you feeling insecure and cut off from what you think you need to be whole. Its time to write a new story. Perhaps that story begins with list of people who need your love. Who are five people, from strangers to family members who could use a little selfless / non manipulative love from you this week?