Stop your husband from being a slob!

My wife came to the gym with me yesterday. It was a big deal. We are learning the power of making requests. It’s one thing to say “I’m so tired of you being such a slob” It's another thing to look your partner in the eye and say “I am requesting that you pick all of your clothes up from the floor and stop just dropping things” That, by the way, is her request of me. For a long time I’ve said things like “You’d feel so much better if you did some cardio” Usually she would just look at me and say “what have you done with my husband???” Yesterday I phrased it as a request to come to the gym with me and she said yes. Requests are clear, powerful and when done properly have all parties best interests at heart. A request is less about pointing out what you see as a failure or a deficiency in your partner and more about a mutual longing for a kind of life that lies on the other side of your choices.

So how do you make a request?

1.  Examine your motivation- Why are you making the request and how will it be beneficial to all parties?

2.  Change your shoes - By putting yourself in your partners shoes you can consider how the request itself may impact them.

3.  Let go of the response - You may work up courage to make the request only to have it denied.  It doesn’t mean they don’t love and respect you.  They may just not be ready or may need more support than you thought.  By not jumping into disappointment you create an opportunity to better understand their needs.

4.  Don’t make it a contest:  She didn’t accept my request so I’m not going to accept hers!  That attitude is a guaranteed wall builder and a hot house for resentment.

Remember that requests are not just for couples.  Try this approach with co workers, friends and family members to see how making clear, well defined, mutually beneficial requests improve communication and create positive results.

Even though this is not a contest I have to admit that I’m more inspired to get my clothes up off the floor…

No time like the present.

Curious about life coaching?  If you are ready to schedule your sample session or have any questions just call:  978.994.0431 or email thatlifenow@gmail.com

You know what old people are like...

This post is the 2nd in a series based on the well known poem "The invitation" from Oriah Mountain Dreamer

"It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive."

We use numbers to define our lives.

The number of dollars in our bank account…

The number that pops up when we step on the scale…

The number of friends we have…

Numbers for the purpose of measuring growth can be really helpful.

When those numbers bring limitations we can run into trouble.

I believe one number above all has the power to stop us in our tracks.

The one I’m referring to is the number of candles on your birthday cake.

When an ill-conceived perspective on social norms or a limiting belief about what is and isn’t “appropriate” for someone “your age” takes the place of your actual heart’s desire a shift happens that prohibits you from living authentically.

Personal style, work life, relationships and leisure pursuits are all impacted by your ability to be defined by your longings rather than the restrictions you have placed on your life because of your age.

The writer of The Invitation is interested in what we are actually willing to risk in order to have the life we really want. So am I.

Here are some tips on how to balance limiting beliefs about age to get unstuck.

1. When making a life choice distinguish between your inner world and your outer world. Your inner world speaks to what you long for. Your outer world is about the story you make up about what you believe people will think. Which feels more satisfying, choosing based on the opinions and tastes of others or choosing based on your own desires and natural curiosity?

2. Start small. Perhaps that giant, full back Chinese dragon tattoo you've been dreaming of is too much of a commitment. Consider a subtle shift, see how it feels and thoughtfully expand. A new hairstyle, shop at a store you wouldn't normally go to or sign up for a couple of lessons for something you've wanted to try.

3. Get inspired. Who do you admire and what about the way they live would you like to have more of in your own life? This isn't about trading in your desires for theirs but rather finding a healthy level of inspiration from those whom you admire.

There is untapped love and life in each of us.

Removing the walls that keep us from that love and life not only serves us but also serves the world.

I believe that process makes God smile.

5 things not to say to someone who has cancer.

WARNING… RANT ALERT!

My friend has cancer.

Cancer, as you know, sucks.

I have watched and listened to things people say as they find out.

The following list is of things people have said.

If you find yourself in their shoes, please do not say the following.

Note that this is an actual list and each item has been said not by one person but by multiple people.

1.  Hey “slick” you had such a nice head of hair! Why did you cut it like that?????

If someone becomes bald overnight, it might be safe to assume something is going on.  Cancer is sadly so prevalent that when a person you have not seen in a long time is hairless, consider the possibility that they may be having chemotherapy.  Use your head before commenting on theirs.

2.  Oh no! My cousin had that kind of cancer and died within six months!

This is the one that I find really hard to take.

As a rule, when you find out that someone has gotten bad news, don’t follow it up with a horror story.

3.  Try ____________________, it’s an absolute miracle cure!

No it isn’t… and that includes: fish oil, reiki, bee pollen, vitamins, chiropractic care and about a dozen other items that have been offered as easy answers.  Certainly cancer can be treated holistically, but there is no easy out, fast track or guaranteed solution.

4.  Is it terminal?

If it is, they will let you know if they choose to.  If it isn’t there is no reason to replant that already planted thought in their head.

5.  Did you _______________________?

Smoke? Lay out in the sun? Eat aspartame? Eat MSG? The question you’re asking is really “Is there a way to blame yourself for this?”

So what should you say?

The truth is you don’t have to say anything.

You could simply listen.

If you want to say something then“I love you and I hope your treatment goes great!” could be all you need to say.

Jim Trick works one on one as a certified life and professional coach over the phone and Skype, with people all over the world.  If you are ready to schedule your sample session or have any questions just call:  978.994.0431 or email thatlifenow@gmail.com for more information.