5 things not to say to someone who has cancer.

WARNING… RANT ALERT!

My friend has cancer.

Cancer, as you know, sucks.

I have watched and listened to things people say as they find out.

The following list is of things people have said.

If you find yourself in their shoes, please do not say the following.

Note that this is an actual list and each item has been said not by one person but by multiple people.

1.  Hey “slick” you had such a nice head of hair! Why did you cut it like that?????

If someone becomes bald overnight, it might be safe to assume something is going on.  Cancer is sadly so prevalent that when a person you have not seen in a long time is hairless, consider the possibility that they may be having chemotherapy.  Use your head before commenting on theirs.

2.  Oh no! My cousin had that kind of cancer and died within six months!

This is the one that I find really hard to take.

As a rule, when you find out that someone has gotten bad news, don’t follow it up with a horror story.

3.  Try ____________________, it’s an absolute miracle cure!

No it isn’t… and that includes: fish oil, reiki, bee pollen, vitamins, chiropractic care and about a dozen other items that have been offered as easy answers.  Certainly cancer can be treated holistically, but there is no easy out, fast track or guaranteed solution.

4.  Is it terminal?

If it is, they will let you know if they choose to.  If it isn’t there is no reason to replant that already planted thought in their head.

5.  Did you _______________________?

Smoke? Lay out in the sun? Eat aspartame? Eat MSG? The question you’re asking is really “Is there a way to blame yourself for this?”

So what should you say?

The truth is you don’t have to say anything.

You could simply listen.

If you want to say something then“I love you and I hope your treatment goes great!” could be all you need to say.

Jim Trick works one on one as a certified life and professional coach over the phone and Skype, with people all over the world.  If you are ready to schedule your sample session or have any questions just call:  978.994.0431 or email thatlifenow@gmail.com for more information.

My mom still knows best...

My mom is getting older.

I just watched the curser blink under that sentence for half a minute.

I realized yesterday that I have not been as patient or attentive as she needs me to be.

She forgets, walks slow and repeats herself.

I usually feel frustrated by it, but that started to change yesterday.

Like a wave of the Spirit it hit me.

It is time for the investment she made in me to finally pay off.

I keep a cane in the car for her to use if we are going to walk any distance.

We argue about it because she does not want to use it.

I eventually just let it go.

Yesterday instead of trying to force a cane on her I did something different.

I offered her my hand.

Her hands are crispy from years of work, dry skin and wear.

They are bent from arthritis.

But at the same time her hands are soft and beautiful like a mom’s.

I offered her my hand and she joyfully took hold.

Our fingers intertwined.

I felt the mix of wear and warmth and it was beautiful.

We walked along Rockport Massachusetts’s Bearskin neck hand in hand until we reached the sea.

All the time I have spent arguing with her I could have been holding on to her.

The speed at which we walked became irrelevant.

The physical connection allowed deeper conversation.

The proximity allowed for quieter voices.

I’m thankful for this lesson learned and I wonder…

Where else am I offering a fist instead of an open hand?

Who will you open your hand to this week?

What will it feel like?

How will it change things?

Fishing for "that life"

It is springtime in New England.

Today the sky was crystal blue.

The air had just enough bite to remind me of our long hard winter but enough warmth to whet my appetite for the coming sun.

This is the time of year when I start to have trout dreams.

Seriously…

Sometimes a trout dream has me in tranquil scene.

Waist high in one of my favorite Western Massachusetts rivers, casting dry flies to rising rainbows.

Other times I am fighting a massive steel head in New York’s beautiful Adirondack Mountains.

I love both.

Consider this fact about a river or trout stream;

The water on the surface is always moving faster than the water on the bottom.

The bottom of the river is home to boulders, fallen trees and other natural and unnatural hurdles which slow the undercurrent down.

The surface has no hurdles.

It just flows swiftly by.

It’s what we see as we stand on the bank, and the picture perfect image that we fly fishermen hold dear.

Is your life a bit like a river?

Mine is!

The surface looks like smoooooooth sailing.

Fast and furious, making it’s way along it’s path.

The undercurrent?

That’s another story.

I have my boulders.

I have my fallen trees.

I have my hurdles.

And I am thankful for them.

Why?

I’m thankful for them because they cause me to slow down.

I’m thankful because they point me to the deepest places.

In going deep, I learn to wade with greater care and precision the twists and turns of my life, my heart and my feelings.

Exploring and embracing our inner worlds may indeed feel slippery and at times unsure but it is worth going deep if the current brings us closer to that life.