Who do you love loving?

The first time I noticed being loved, I was a chubby seven year old little boy, dressed in my best cowboy attire.

There was a red bandana, a cowboy hat and from the days of realistic looking cap guns, a shiny six shooter holstered to my waist.

The plaid, Tough-skin pants from the husky department at Mitchell’s department store were not true to form but didn’t matter.

My parents were taking me to Six Gun City and I was losing my mind with excitement.

An older cousin had been describing New Hampshire’s fake western ghost town / mini theme park for months.

Amidst miles and miles of,  “Are we almost there?”, “I can’t believe it!” and “Can I ride a horse, shoot a bad guy and get a big ice cream?”, I paused.

“Mom, are you happy?” I asked

“I’m happy when you're happy, Jimmy” she replied

I’ve never forgotten that moment or the care behind those words.

The heart of love is not merely a feeling.

The heart of love is a mix of feeling and subsequent action.

Think of someone you love dearly.

Get a clear image in your mind.

Now, as if they were sitting in front of you, finish this thought;

I love you (say the person’s name) therefore I (insert an action that makes them feel uniquely loved as an individual).

Maybe you want to finish this sentence on behalf of several loved ones.

Perhaps you can list several actions for one person.

Now consider how serving someone you love makes you feel.

Is it a chore?

Is it an obligation that you are checking off a list?

Are you just going through the motions because you feel like you're are not getting anything in return, or are you like my mom?

When she said “I’m happy when you're happy”, what she was really saying is you are my boy, and I love loving you.

She was saying you are the apple of my eye and the heart of my heart.

She was saying If bringing chubby little you, to a fake western ghost town, way up in New Hampshire, feeding you ice cream and allowing you to engage in a fake gunfight with a fake cowboy is going to make you feel love, then lets go!

Whose happiness makes you happy?

If I had a son...

If I had a son

I would teach him how to say hello.

I would teach him when someone says “hi my name is Mike”  he is to say “hi mike, my name is Billy, nice to meet you”.

I would not only teach him the importance of eye contact and a firm but not too firm handshake but also the importance of living up to that handshake.

If I had a son

The pain in my arm from carrying him wouldn’t matter but the pain of his first steps would.

If I had a son

he would knowsometimes we have to eat things we don’t like, do things we don’t feel like doing and not always say what’s on our mind.

He would realize engaging these truths will make doing the things he loves even more lovely.

If I had a son

I would teach him how to make his own trout flies and how to fish them.   He would know about the emerging caddis and the power of hoppers and cinnamon ants in the Fall.

He would know we roll cast and high stick dead drift way more than we false cast and that the shadow cast scene in A River Runs Through It is totally bogus.

If I had a son

he would teach me to love what he loves.

For the first time in my life I’d know the rules of football.

I would understand all the ins and outs of baseball or ballet or watercolor painting or a million other pursuits about which I know little.

If I had a son

I would teach him that the only way to have a good friend is by being one.

He’d know that many he will encounter were not taught this but that wouldn’t stop him.

If I had a son

I would teach him how to write a song, talk to girls, stand up for people who can’t and appreciate beauty.

If I had a son

I would teach him how to throw a punch and why he shouldn’t.

If I had a son

I would teach him how to stand up under heartbreak.

If I had a son

I would help him understand grace, redemption and reconciliation as more than just theological concepts but as a way of life.

If i had a son

I would teach him how to apologize, tell a joke, make a fire, pray, cook eggs, be kind and forgive.

If I had a son

I’d have so much to learn...

If I had a son

I would teach him to never see another’s brokenness as his own.

I would say “I love you” and “I’m so proud of you” so that he would never have to guess.

I would let him know that my desire was to get it right and that I regret the wounds I inadvertently bestowed upon him.

If I had a son

I would teach him how to say goodbye.

 If you are ready to schedule your free sample coaching session or have any questions just call:  978.994.0431 or email thatlifenow@gmail.com

You know what to do but you ...

How many times have you said or thought

“I know what to do, but I don’t do it”

Without going too far with the following notion, I do believe we program ourselves with our words.

It seems to me that the more we say things like that, the more likely we are to manifest them.

We know we impact the people in our lives with our words but what about the things we say to ourselves or about ourselves?

Most of the time we don’t even notice we are doing it.

Self talk has a profound impact on our lives.

In the name of intentional transformation, I’d like to offer a replacement for the previous phrase.

From now on we are eliminating “I know what to do, but I don’t do it” with:

“I do, what I know will work”

In your profession…

“I do, what I know will work”

In your relationships…

“I do, what I know will work”

In your passionate pursuit…

“I do, what I know will work”

If this phrase is connectingright now, know that it also works as a question.

“Will this work?”

Sometimes just that pause, that extra couple of seconds is all it takes to not repeat choices that have clearly not worked in the past.

Take this as a little tip.

Hope you get big results!

Curious about life coaching?  If you are ready to schedule your sample session or have any questions just call:  978.994.0431 or email thatlifenow@gmail.com