Were you ever wounded?

I wasn’t a stupid kid.

Well, that may depend on who you ask or who you are comparing me to.

What’s more, after I unload this on you, there’s a good chance you will take issue with my first point.

For those of you who don’t know, I spent most of my life morbidly obese.

The first time I lost a bunch of weight, it was because I elected to have surgery.

Between gastric bypass and regaining most of the weight back, I had a year or so of skinny.

(Yes, you can easily re-gain weight after gastric bypass.  Some of you know that all too well.)

So, I was in my skinny year and, for the first time ever, I could do what skinny people do.

Sit in booths…

Buy clothes at normal stores…

Pee standing up…

You know, the stuff all you fit-for-life types do without thinking about it.

It was bliss!

One afternoon, while chatting on the phone, I rested my head on my free hand and felt a lump in my cheek.

It wasn’t a pimple, a bug bite or anything else identifiable.

It was a lump and I was concerned.

My Dr. didn’t know what it was and he was concerned too.

The specialist he sent me to was also concerned and requested a CAT scan.

Can you even imagine???

The thought that kept going through my mind was, I finally got my life back and now I have cancer.

When I arrived at the hospital for my scan, my sister in law’s sister, Jean, who I thought sold real estate, greeted me.

On my back, in a tube, amidst lights and noise…

My heart pounded and, with every worried thought spinning in my head, suddenly the machine stopped.

Through the intercom I heard Jean ask, “Jimmy, can you hear me?”.

“Yes Jean, I can… What’s up?”

“Jimmy, did you ever get shot in the face with a BB gun?”

“STEVE FOURNIER!” I replied…

“What?” she asked.

“Never mind. Yes, I was once shot with a BB gun, but it bounced off…”

“That’s what you think,” she exclaimed with a chuckle.

Before paintball, laser tag and common sense, I was a teenager.

This where I sound like the old man, lamenting: “When I was your age…” things were different.

We didn’t have your fancy paintball nonsense. We had BB guns, bottle rockets and the woods near Dave McCormick’s house.

I think I had safety glasses, but that didn’t protect my face and when Danny Cruise and I realized we were out of ammo, we made a run for it.

Fournier hid behind a tree and yelled, “Sneak attack!” Like a slow motion war movie scene, where a guy gets shot and falls to the ground, I was a man down.

I graduated from dear old Haverhill High with a welt on the left side of my face. When the swelling went down, I was so chubby I couldn’t tell that the BB was still inside.

As I write to you, I am 45, which makes the BB twenty-seven years old.

No, I didn’t have it removed…

Why?

I kept the BB to remind me of the fact that, sometimes in life we think something that wounded us years ago bounced off, only to find we were carrying it around the whole time.

No friends, you are not alone.

Are you ready to try life coaching on for size?  Email ThatLifeNow@gmail.com today! If this post was helpful like it, share it, subscribe and live it.  Follow Jim Trick on twitter @JimTrick

Thick skin = the key to creative greatness

Nearly a decade ago I brought some lyrics I had written to a friend.

She’s a wonderful songwriter whose work has always resonated with me.

It’s nice to have friends that you can also be fans of.

When I approached her I told her that I wanted her opinion.

What I was really looking for was for her to say  “amazing job Jim”.

What I got was something very different and yet a thousand times more valuable.

“Can I be honest with you?” she asked.

“Of course you can” I replied as my heart sank.

I was really thinking “please don't”.

She went on to tell me she loved my lyrics but that I didn’t write melodies that ever made her want to listen.

Ouch!

You have felt ouches like that before.

How did you respond?

For most of us that's when we become cry babies, throw tantrums and start to spin.

Some of us get so shut down from the slightest criticism that we become paralyzed.

She didn’t stop there.

“You need to slow down, think about how your melody supports the theme and consider how heavily your musical influences are influencing you.”

Easy to hear?

Nope, not even a little bit.

Was she correct, kind and courageous in service of my work?

Completely and utterly.

Did her suggestions work?

100%

Your greatness will expand in direct proportion to the thickness of your skin.

You can be precious, protective and insecure…

You can be in search of perpetual pats on the back.

You can be insecure in a way that will forever keep you from getting good.

Not being able to get to good means having no shot at becoming great.

If you see yourself in any of this, here are a few items to consider.

1.  Ask for what you really want.  If you are looking for critique ask for critique but if what you really want is encouragement then ask for encouragement.

1.  Put yourself in the shoes of the person you are asking.  How many people can you imagine are asking them for advice in a typical week?  Can they do it better than you?  What is their schedule like? If they are a professional,  are you willing to pay for their time? Before you get upset about not getting a response or not getting the response you want, see your request through their eyes.

1.  When it comes to your creative pursuits most of your friends and family will not usually be honest with you in the way you need them to be.

1.   When it comes to your creative pursuits most of your friends and family will assure you that they are being honest.

1. Remember, you are the artist.  In the end it is your name on the project.  Know when to stand your ground.  Part of having a thick skin is about humility but the other side of that coin is confidence.

If this post was helpful like it, share it, subscribe and live it.  Follow Jim Trick on twitter @JimTrick  Are you ready to try life coaching on for size?  Email ThatLifeNow@gmail.com today!

The wisdom to know the difference

Soooo…. This might be a rant about ranting.

Didn’t want you to think I was unaware.

Cool?

Cool!

Amnesty International founder, Peter Benenson, once said“It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness”.

In an average week do we spend more time ranting or more time having an actual impact?

Do we spend more time creating or more time judging the creations of others?

Do we spend more time doing that thingwe deeply love and sharing it with the world, or do we tend to spend our precious, limited hours numbing and distracting ourselves?

Bernie and Donald…

Tom Brady…

The Grammy Awards / the current state of music…

Do I quack, quack, quack, like a duck, waddling down the street or am I one who speaks life?

Now, admittedly, I have more hang-ups than the coatroom at the Taj and no one loves a good “quack” more than I do.

That being said, as I write to you, I’m at the Dandee Doughnut shop in Marblehead MA.  I LOVE doughnuts and from time to time I actually eat one.   When I do, I thoroughly enjoy it.

Today I had an egg white omelet with a side of fresh fruit.  There was, as you know, a time when I lived a life of doughnuts.  It was around the same time that I lived a life of quacking.

Quacks and snacks have their place.   My rant today is about whether or not your quacking about things, over which you have no meaningful influence, has replaced the actual action you could be taking to improve the lives of those around you.

You have strong opinions about the presidential race, but when was the last time you served your local community in a powerful and creative way?

You love the Patriots, but when was the last time you threw the ball around with a kid?

You watch the Grammy Awards and shake your head in disgust, but when was the last time you created a song, poem or piece of art?

In a recent interview, marketing expert Seth Godin was asked about who comes to mind when he thinks about the word “successful”.  His answers ranged from his parents because they loved well and were well loved to the people in his neighborhood who are fortunate enough to get to shovel snow for an elderly couple.

As for me, I value impact over commentary, action over thought and values over feelings.

I value changing the things I can and most of the time, if I’m honest with myself, have the wisdom to know the difference.